An Exceptional Piece of Art

Coco Fleur

Mama's Little Girl

Feb, 2, 2010- Oct. 2, 2024

She came into my life, being what I needed, giving much MORE than I ever expected.

Forever Curious and Eager to Participate in Life

The Prettiest Little Thing... With Human Eyes

I haven’t felt like writing, however, October which is generally my month that I find extraordinary has been reflective, and pensive.

Introspection is an intrinsic part of who I am—a facet I value deeply. I don’t see it merely as self-care; it’s a form of self-intimacy, a private space that only I can access.

To break the monotony of my thoughts constructively, I attended Art Night. Art has always been my escape, feeding my persona and nourishing my soul. I created an abstract print from gouache with a bougainvillea on a dining table. I sponged the entire surface and used the stem of the leaf to add depth and interest. When the color became too heavy, I scratched a figure with my fingernail. My masterpiece came together in about 2-3 minutes.

This spontaneous approach defines my painting and drawing process—quick bursts of enthusiasm that let me go with the flow.

If more people approached life this way, the way that dogs live... instinctively and in the moment, we’d all be much happier.

One tidbit I will share is that I was cast on a dating show. There were nine of us women and six potential men. I can’t remember when I laughed so hard during and after the show. 

Some of the men's responses about whom and what they were looking for in a relationship were basic and mundane personality traits. I declined all of the men in a non-offensive way and when asked my reasons, I gave truthful unscripted answers that stemmed from my values.

Because all the men said they either found me attractive (one went into the sexy zone but the host stopped him quickly) or they claimed I was “their type,” when they weren’t mine, got me thinking about the things men don’t say or admit to.  

I will add that it’s been my belief that men do not see themselves, they think they’re a great catch when they're misguided.  Perhaps it’s because their mothers lied to them or perhaps because many women don’t practice discernment, whatever the case, these are my opinions. 

This does not apply to the rare evolved man who knows who he is and what he wants; this is the one that goes along for the ride as the unconscious average Joe

Here is a short list I compiled.

1.       He fears being hurt; this is an inevitable part of life.  As a friend recently said, Grief is the price of Love. No one incarnates as a human being and glides through life without challenges or spiritual growth.  Men who play it safe don’t risk pain or the pleasure of love. These boring types choose complacency.    

2.       He fears he’s not enough.  An indicator that he doesn’t know who he is.  He may have little to offer so he talks big, (brags about other women) or acts big (throws money around being irresponsible) to mask his insecurities.  Or he may use money as a weapon and expect a woman to pay for a date.  This beta type sees a woman as a trade, i.e., cook for me, sleep with me, etc.  He controls.  He may have not lived up to his potential.  If he were a real man he would take charge and positively change his situation.

3.       He’s insecure about his height, his weight, his member, and muscles or lack of. This includes his BMI and shoulder-to-waist ratio.  Men know that women prefer a tall man but if he tips the scales, tall or not, he’s got work to do on his body, and avoiding is easier than actually doing.  There is low self-esteem, because he’s shouting he doesn’t care about himself.  Unless he has an awareness of what created this, the baggage he carries both metaphorically and literally becomes the narrative of his story.  

4.       He doesn’t know what he wants. He’s avoided personal growth and is a mama’s boy. Refusing to grow and expand morphs into emotional immaturity. As a male friend psychologist pointed out, mama’s boys are womanizers.  He goes from one woman to another in search of romantic love but when conflict ensues, you see his real character.  He may resort to blaming, whining, and self-pity.  Emotional immaturity creates toxic relationships.

5.       He wants to be desired and yearns for validation.  He may want you to change your values to accommodate him.  He’s stuck and doesn’t understand the bigger picture.   The ego makes excuses and faults others for their misery.  A man who doesn’t take responsibility is not an adult, he's an adolescent.   Everyone wants to be seen and everyone wants to be loved. If you sincerely help another (without blasting it to the world) by lending an ear, sharing funds, giving a smile, or an embrace you forget about the ego and it opens your heart. 

6.       He wants to impress you. While it feels good temporarily when a man accommodates it can pave the way to disaster.  We all want somebody to be proud of.  A sign of character is someone who has a set of values.  Does he know what his are?  Or is he mimicking yours? Without this understanding, two people cannot build a future.

7.       He hasn’t gotten over you. More often than not, women believe men are quick to rebound. He may do that but he hasn’t moved on.  He is shallow.  For him to get over you, he has to let go, and that means looking at himself honestly with all his flaws, warts, emotions, and most of all his childhood drama and destructive patterns.  We all have these issues, but a man who pretends they don’t exist will be doomed by repetition. 

I realize some will appreciate this list while others may disagree, and that’s perfectly valid. Relationship clarity often comes through distance, just as it does with viewing a piece of art; standing too close you are blinded, step back and you see beauty, depth, and meaning.

Ultimately, a conscious woman sets the standard for relationships, holding the bar high, while a real man must rise to meet it, he must develop a purpose in life, or he risks failure and losing the woman.