Should Old Acquaintance

With so many people homebound this past year, indoors has become the new outdoors. Home is where you exercise, digitally chat with friends, and, of course, work. But it is also still the indoors where you sleep, eat, and putter.

This brings me to my topic, both fashion, and style. Fashion is the clothes we wear; style is how we carry ourselves. Our style reveals what is distinct and unique about us, an outward expression of how we see ourselves. Our attire and the way we put ourselves together sometimes speaks louder than our words.

In 1997 while undergoing a personal transformation I went to see a Mother (Spiritual teacher) who was with Self Realization Fellowship (SRF). I’m not sure if that’s what I should call her since it’s not a religious order. SRF was founded by Parmahansa Yogananda who brought Yoga to the west. She was at the top of her career and had devoted her life to service which meant, she rarely if ever interacted with the outer world. She took one look at me and said, “You’re creative, an artist and it’s vital that you accept yourself as you are.” Puzzled I asked how she knew that. She said “your shoes.” Since I have never been fond of tennis shoes if I was going to own a pair they had to be red! She was saying I know how you fit into the world.

I wrote about my fashion genes in my book but I’ll digress. They have always been important to me, my Grandmother was stylish until she became a working seamstress and had burnout from raising six children on her own. My mother loved fashion her entire life and I was bitten by the bug at an early age.

My dress-up was with her clothes and although she bought me a few pieces as part of my play she also gave me free rein to her closet. My parents belonged to a Chamber of Commerce that was very socially active and there were parties, dinners, trips, nightclubs, and dances. I was dazzled by all those sparkly things and went crazy over her earrings and shoes.

As a child, my mother made me unique clothes. We would go to Bullocks and she was armed with a sketch pad and pencil and would copy designs and then add her touch. I was getting haute couture and didn’t even know it! She was so creative she didn’t need a pattern to make me a dress. My teachers marveled at my wardrobe.

As a teen, my primary objective was to gain acceptance from my peers. So I told my mother I would be purchasing my clothes off the rack and since she was working at the time, it was a practical alternative. How many of us do this, wear clothes to hide rather than to express who we are.

By the time I was in my early 20’s, I started going to thrift shops to pick up one–of–a–kind items. Then I went to work and hit the jobber’s downtown and Joseph Magnin and Neiman Marcus became my second home. I thought more is better and my needs were tremendous.

Now I know that not to be true.

Even if you are not fashion-conscious, the choice of clothes you wear will influence people’s perception of you, and how you see yourself.

When we have a healthy self-image we use clothes to reveal our inherent value. We see them as our second skin. However, when we have a negative self-image we use clothes to conceal and consequently we become invisible. The outer garments we wear should never define us, but sadly this is all too common. Much of society is segregated by style and this has dire consequences.

Here’s an example of how clothes can set a tone. When I was young I went car shopping, alone. I had 10K in my bank account that was to secure my down payment. Being over 100 degrees, I wore shorts, a tank top, and sandals to the car dealer. The car salesmen flirted but no one took me seriously, so I asked who was their top salesperson and assertively told him I was there to make a deal. We went into his office. He asked me about the color. I disregarded his question because I didn’t think it intellectually warranted a response. I told him I was more concerned about features and asked for a brochure. I preferred to read them rather than him to ramble them off. After a while, he grew impatient and threw his gym bag on the desk. I knew not only was I experiencing chauvinism but I was being undermined; for being female, and for being young. I held in my anger and took out my sword, I jotted the time of day, his name, and the names of those whom I interacted with, and left telling him he’d be hearing from me.

The next day I wrote a letter to the owner of Keyes Motors telling him of the incident, suggesting that he retrain his sales staff. He personally called me and apologized. I told him words would soon be forgotten but his reputation would not. He asked what I thought was fair. I said a demonstration of some kind. He asked for specifics. I stated a gift basket from Mrs. Beasley’s or a gift card from Nordstrom. He sent the gift basket.

Later when I shared the story with someone older and wiser he told me you didn’t help yourself by being dressed for the beach.

That statement left an impression.

I have had so many fashion incarnations, that I can’t list them all because my lifestyle is ever-changing. But I will say this; dressing up brings me pleasure.

However, we can experience a temporary boost of self-confidence by what we wear, but have to recognize this is temporary and will not bring us lasting joy.

Fast forward to the present, every time I get fitted for a period piece for a show I’m working on I have such a good time, although, costumers often dress me in orange which washes me out, still, I enjoy the process. There’s something about wearing vintage pieces that transcend me into another time and place.

Many of us are home right now and comfort has taken over as the biggest precedence.

Not too long ago, leggings were something you dug out of a costume trunk for a play as the look of a court jester.

Personally, my wardrobe expenses were minimal in 2020 but my nightclothes increased. Did you know that pajamas originally came from Asia and were adopted in Europe by British colonialists returning from Asia and the Middle East? Originally worn by men, because pants were associated with the suffrage movement, women stuck to nightgowns for bed.

Clothes have emotional power, they can change our self-perception and how others see us. Style is about who you are and how you show up in the world. If we define who we are and what we want to project our style gives us the power to make any statement we choose. Our choices have to be congruent from the inside out. Don’t be a stranger to your own body. Embrace it. When we claim who we are inwardly we can project that outwardly and that’s why it’s important to pay attention to the role of clothes and their influence.

As businesses slowly around the country reopen, and they will, our clothes may be making their way out of our closets. Are you ready for them? Will you be able to walk in heels, let alone shoes that tie? Will your zippered pants fit after all those lockdown carbohydrates? Is it possible to wear lipstick with a mask? Do you remember how buttons work? Perhaps we should reacquaint ourselves with a few of the relics in our wardrobe. While we may not be what we wear, we have to recognize we can become what we wear. So why not pay a visit to your closet, a forgotten acquaintance.