I watched the 1995 film Raising Isiah for the first time a few days ago and was left with many thoughts. In some ways, it’s about the mysterious silence of what women share. But aside from love and motherhood, it’s a story that depicts yearning. We all have yearnings—the yearning to love oneself, to love others, and to be loved by others are universal.
I compiled a list of twelve common desires, look and see if you can identify with those that lay deep inside you or, did I miss any? Note these are about you, not what you want or expect from another. What do you long for in your life?
The yearning for the right partner, good friends, or a family.
The yearning for good health.
The yearning to be settled in a vocation that suits you.
The yearning for financial prosperity.
The yearning to be heard and seen as you are—not for what others want you to be.
The yearning to be accepted completely—including your imperfections.
The yearning to live in a peaceful, loving, comfortable, and relaxing environment.
The yearning to not be questioned, judged nor blamed.
The yearning to be appreciated and acknowledged.
The yearning to be loved and valued just as you are.
The yearning to express all that is inside you.
The yearning to fulfill what your soul wants to do or express.
The universal desire to be loved, valued, and appreciated can only be accomplished when we are in fulfilling relationships and in a community with people who have the capacity to truly express love and accept others as imperfect human beings. Too often we make a connection with people who are either manipulative, self-centered, or incapable of loving because their entire energy and focus lie in getting what they want. They can’t give freely and so the needs, wants, desires, hopes, and aspirations of others are irrelevant to them.
Many people I have spoken with feel profound pain and anguish over the belief that their needs can never be met or that they want too much. If you were raised by demanding, or cold parents or have been in a relationship with someone who ignores, diminishes, or rejects your needs and wants, then it can be next to impossible to believe that there is any hope of having the kind of life and relationships that would be in harmony with your desires.
Getting in touch with your deepest yearnings can help you gauge whether the relationships you are currently in come close to meeting your needs. Expecting others to change is a hopeless proposition, but you could look elsewhere to get your deepest hopes and wants to be fulfilled.
There are happy, generous, loving people in the world, but you have to go out and find them, and it helps to know what you are looking for. All psychological and spiritual progress begins by looking within. Sit quietly and ask yourself these questions:
What am I feeling?
What would I like to be feeling?
What is missing from my life?
What do I have too much of?
What is there too little of?
Is this the life I imagined years ago?
What am I longing for?
What can I do now to change how my life is operating?
Move past fears of hopelessness and despair. Embrace your yearnings, they are a natural component of our human evolution and should not be discarded until you take your last breath, seek their fulfillment, take a risk to reach out to the people you see as truly loving, kind and considerate. Yearnings can lead the way to a better life.
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